Diggums and Day
by Child of the Sky
Summary: Post TLC. Holly was told Mulch went into business with Day. Let's see: Two excriminals plus actual work minus an elf with actual morals equals trouble.
1. Prolouge

** A/N: Hi guys! I didn't know whether or not to continue my old story when I decided to write my first humor. I mean, come ON; Mulch swallows Day and now they're partners in business? **

** Disclaimer: I own me: my skin, my other organs, my "all natural" systems, and the membrane that holds it all together. Even then… what if I'm just the daydreams of a greater spirit? My point? I do not own anything that Colfer made.**

On the day that Holly Short, Artemis Fowl, N1, and, as Mulch would later find out, some other demon by the name of… Qua… Que… Yo Quiro Taco Bell? Oh well. This isn't about Artemis Fowl and co. This is about the great and powerful P.I. dwarf Mulch Diggums- and his partner of a pixie, Doodah Day. Funny name, huh? The poor guy's parents probably found it funny, along with the rest of Haven!

But enough of this freakish name rant. Let us begin their pointless adventures at the point where Mr. Day was being introduced to the agency building. Maybe it was old, smelly, and falling apart, but The Incredible Mulch and Little-Miss-Mistletoe had worked V-E-R-Y hard to get it! As they drove down the alleyway, Doodah looked out the window with obvious disdain. Soon, they had arrived and were walking through the doorway (Stupid door was falling off again…). Mister, now Agent, Day walked through that little space and immediately demanded loudly, "Please tell me this is where _you_ live, not where _I'm_ going to work." Either that pixie was going to fix his attitude, or he would be a dead fairy.

** PLEASE REVIEW! I'M SO ALONE WITHOUT THOSE PRECIOUS COMMENTS! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Yes, I am that desperate, and yes, I am that crazy. Oh, and when you review, if you have any ideas for the next chapter, I'm always open. JUST PUSH THE PRETTY BLUE BUTTON!**


	2. Ya know what I think?

**Hey, I just wanted to apologize for how long this took. I've been having a bit of a writer's block and I hope that this good enough. And flame all you want, the fire burns my GLORIOUS INCENSE.**

"Hey Diggums, are we there yet?" Doodah asked. He and Mulch were on their first assignment: get one of the annoying pixie's friends and bring him into custody. Mulch had already forgotten the name, but at least he was only going to be the trap; Day would (had better) tell him when to go off. "No," he replied to one of his few mistakes. "Are we there yet?" "No." "Are we there yet?" "NO! STOP ASKING! WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!" Needless to say, the rest of the car ride was silent.

Diggums was in position when he heard his partner call him on the headset the duo bought a few days before. "Diggums," "What now pixie boy?" "You know what I think about bounty hunters?" "Frankly, I don't really care." Silence. More silence. A few more seconds of silence. Then- "I think that bounty hunters are the biggest cowards in existence. I mean, we have our hi-tech gadgets, our scopes that can see yards away, the outranking thing, and the element of surprise. Then we go off and shoot poor, unsuspecting Billy-Bob." Later that morning, not only did Mulch capture the (still) unknown felon, but a Mister Doodah Day went to the hospital with several limbs broken. _"Today is proving to be a fine day." _Diggums thought.

**Don't worry, Mulch is going to do some dam—I mean, er, _hard work_. (whistles innocently) Hey disclaimer! Get your lazy butt over here.**

**Disclaimer: Why me?  
**

**Me: Because you're a disclaimer. That's what you do. You DISCLAIM! NOW GET TO WORK!**

**Disclaimer: I hate you.**

**Me: (growls)**

**Disclaimer: Um, I mean, the great and almighty authoress Child of the Sky does not own Much Diggums or Doodah Day.**

**Me: AND?**

**Disclaimer: Or the evil genius Mr. Falkenthal's speech on hunters.**

**Me: Which was innovated for the story. If you wanna see the real deal, go to my evil profile and READ IT. Thank you for reading and please press that pretty blue button on your way out, my unfortunate readers.**


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